3 Most Crucial Things to Do When You’ve Just Been Newly Diagnosed with Cancer - Your Doctor Won’t Tell You This
You just heard the word "cancer."
Everything after that was white noise.
You nodded. You said "okay."
But you have no idea what the doctor actually said because your brain was screaming:
"Am I going to die?"
"Who will raise my kids?"
"Will I see my daughter get married?"
Now you're home.
Staring at your phone. At your kids. At the life you thought you had figured out.
And you're drowning.
Everyone has advice. Your sister forwarded you three articles. Your mom found a "miracle cure" on Facebook. Your best friend knows someone who knows someone who beat cancer with keto.
You've opened 47 browser tabs. You're Googling survival rates at 2am. You joined five Facebook groups where everyone's sharing horror stories.
You have MORE information than ever—and LESS clarity.
Your brain won't stop.
"What do I do first?"
"Which doctor do I trust?"
"How do I tell my 14-year-old?"
"What if I choose the wrong treatment?"
"Should I get organic groceries or will that even matter?"
"Do I need to write a will?"
"What about my business?"
"How much time do I have?"
Stop.
Breathe.
I know exactly where you are right now.
Fifteen years ago, I was 29 years old with Stage 2b triple negative breast cancer—one of the most aggressive types, fewer treatment options, scarier statistics.
I did what you're doing right now: I tried to figure out EVERYTHING at once.
And it nearly broke me before treatment even started.
Here's what I learned that I wish someone had told me on Day 1:
You don't need to focus on everything.
You need to focus on 3 things.
Just three.
Everything else? It can wait.
These three things will give you what you're desperately searching for right now:
Clarity. Control. Confidence.
So you can stop spinning and start FIGHTING.
Why You're Overwhelmed (And It's Not Your Fault)
Let me tell you what's actually happening in your brain right now.
Your amygdala—the fear center—just went into overdrive. It's trying to "protect" you by scanning for every possible threat, imagining every worst-case scenario, preparing you for disaster.
That's why you can't stop thinking about your funeral.
That's why you're mentally planning your kids' lives without you.
That's why every small ache feels like cancer spreading.
Your brain thinks it's helping.
It's not.
Because scattered focus = scattered fight.
Right now, you're trying to:
Research treatment options you don't understand yet
Plan for a future you can't predict
Control things that aren't even decisions yet
Prepare for scenarios that may never happen
You're doing everything—which means you're doing nothing effectively.
And meanwhile, the THREE things that actually matter—the three things that will determine how you fight and whether you're THERE for your daughter's wedding—are getting lost in the noise.
Let me give them to you.
FOCUS #1: GET A COMPLETE and THROROUGH DIAGNOSIS
Know EXACTLY What You're Fighting
Here's the truth: You can't make good decisions with incomplete information.
And right now, you might not have the full picture.
Most women leave their first oncology appointment with a diagnosis—but not a COMPLETE diagnosis.
For example - they know they have breast cancer. But they don't know:
The exact type (HR+? HER2+? Triple negative?)
The exact stage (is it 2a or 2b? Does that matter?)
Whether it's spread to lymph nodes
The biology of their specific tumor
What scans they still need
And that incomplete information is part of why you feel so out of control.
Your Diagnosis Checklist:
Go through these questions. If you can answer YES to all of them, you have what you need. If any are NO, that's your first action item.
☐ Do you have your actual pathology report?
Not what the doctor TOLD you—the actual written report.
If NO: Call your doctor's office today. Say: "I need a copy of my pathology report sent to me." They'll send it (usually via patient portal or mail).
Why this matters: This document has details you'll need for second opinions, treatment decisions, and your own understanding.
☐ Do you know your cancer type, subtype, and stage?
Can you answer these:
What type? (Ductal? Lobular? Other?)
What subtype? (Hormone receptor positive? HER2 positive? Triple negative?)
What stage? (1, 2, 3, 4? And the letter after it—a, b, c?)
What grade? (How fast-growing is it?)
If NO: Write these questions down. Call your oncologist's nurse. Say: "I need to understand my exact diagnosis. Can you help me understand my type, subtype, stage, and grade?"
Why this matters: Your treatment options depend ENTIRELY on these details. Stage 2a HR+ is treated very differently than Stage 2b triple negative.
☐ Do you know if cancer has spread beyond the original site?
Is it just in the breast?
Has it spread to lymph nodes? (How many?)
Has it spread anywhere else?
If NO: Ask your oncologist: "Do we know if this has spread to lymph nodes, liver, lungs, bone, brain? What scans do I need to confirm?" *Note different scans are needed for different types of tissues. Make sure you have been scanned from top to bottom.
Why this matters: This determines your stage and your treatment plan. Get your stage wrong and you’ll be on the wrong treatment plan.
Depending on your diagnosis, you may need:
Mammogram
Ultrasound
MRI
CT scan (chest/abdomen/pelvis)
Bone scan
PET scan (for some cases)
Ask your oncologist: "What imaging do I still need? When will that be scheduled?"
☐ Do you know if genetic testing is recommended?
If you're under 50, have triple negative breast cancer, have family history of breast/ovarian cancer, or are of Ashkenazi Jewish descent, genetic testing (BRCA1/BRCA2 and others) may be important.
If NO: Ask your oncologist: "Should I have genetic testing? Does it change my treatment or future prevention?"
Why this matters: Genetic results can affect surgery decisions, treatment choices, and cancer prevention for other family members.
☐ Do you understand YOUR specific prognosis and treatment goals?
Not statistics for "all Stage 2 breast cancer." YOUR specific cancer with YOUR specific biology.
If NO: Ask your oncologist: "For MY specific type and stage, what are we aiming for? What's the treatment goal? What are realistic expectations?"
Why this matters: You need to know if you're aiming for cure, control, or something else. This affects every decision.
Why Focus Matters:
Once you have your COMPLETE diagnosis, something shifts.
The terror of "unknown" becomes the clarity of "I know exactly what I'm dealing with."
You stop Googling generic statistics that don't apply to you.
You stop comparing your cancer to every other cancer story.
You know YOUR enemy. And now you can fight it strategically.
This is control. Not control over WHETHER you have cancer—but control over understanding it fully.
And that clarity is the foundation and increases your chances for beating cancer.
Action Step: Print this checklist. Go through each question. For every NO, make one phone call this week to get the answer.
FOCUS #2: LEARN THE PROCESS (SO YOU CAN CATCH THE GAPS)
Know What SHOULD Happen—So You Know When Something's Wrong
Here's what nobody tells you:
The medical system assumes you know how cancer treatment works.
But you don't.
You just heard "cancer" for the first time last week. You don't speak oncology. You don't know what a "sentinel node biopsy" is or why timing matters or what should happen before what.
And that ignorance can cost you.
Not because you're dumb—because the system doesn't educate you on the PROCESS before throwing you into it.
So you show up to appointments, nod along, trust that everything's happening in the right order at the right time.
But what if it's not?
What if your oncologist ordered a PET scan before confirming with insurance and now you're delayed 3 weeks?
What if they started planning treatment before genetic testing results came back—and those results would have changed the surgery recommendation?
What if nobody told you that you needed an echocardiogram BEFORE starting certain chemo drugs—and now you're delayed again?
What if your surgeon wants to operate next week but your oncologist thinks chemo should come first—and nobody's coordinating?
These aren't hypotheticals.
These are the gaps that happen when patients don't understand the PROCESS.
Why Understanding the Process Matters
Let me be brutally honest:
You are the only person tracking your ENTIRE journey.
Your surgeon focuses on surgery.
Your medical oncologist focuses on chemo.
Your radiation oncologist focuses on radiation.
But YOU are the only one tracking:
Whether everything's happening in the right ORDER
Whether timelines are appropriate (or dangerously delayed)
Whether tests that should happen BEFORE decisions are actually happening before
Whether there are gaps or duplications
If you don't know what the process SHOULD look like, you can't advocate when something's wrong.
The Cancer Treatment Process (What SHOULD Happen & When)
This is the general roadmap for most breast cancers. Your specifics may vary, but this gives you the framework to know what questions to ask.
PHASE 1: DIAGNOSIS & STAGING (Weeks 1-3)
What Should Happen:
1. Biopsy & Pathology (Week 1-2)
Core needle biopsy or surgical biopsy
Pathology report with:
Cancer type (ductal, lobular, etc.)
Grade (how aggressive cells look)
Receptor status (ER, PR, HER2)
Ki-67 (growth rate marker)
Timeline: Pathology results take 3-7 days typically.
❌ RED FLAG: If it takes more than 10 days and nobody's explaining why.
2. Staging Scans (Week 1-3)
Depending on your diagnosis, you may need:
Mammogram + Ultrasound (you've had these)
Breast MRI (shows extent in breast, checks other breast)
CT chest/abdomen/pelvis (checks for spread to organs)
Bone scan or PET scan (checks for spread to bones/distant sites)
What determines which scans you need:
Stage (early stage may not need full-body imaging)
Symptoms (bone pain = bone scan)
Tumor biology (aggressive types = more comprehensive staging)
❌ RED FLAG: Your oncologist wants to start treatment but hasn't ordered staging scans appropriate for your cancer type/stage.
3. Genetic Testing (Week 1-3—BEFORE Surgery Decision)
If you're:
Under 50 years old
Triple negative breast cancer
Family history of breast/ovarian cancer
Ashkenazi Jewish descent
Male breast cancer
You should have genetic testing (BRCA1/2, PALB2, and others) BEFORE making surgery decisions.
Why timing matters: If you're BRCA+, you might choose bilateral mastectomy instead of lumpectomy. You can't unmake that surgery decision later.
❌ RED FLAG: Your surgeon schedules surgery before genetic results are back (if you qualified for testing).
4. Tumor Board / Multidisciplinary Review (Week 2-3)
At major cancer centers, your case should be presented to a tumor board—surgeons, medical oncologists, radiation oncologists, pathologists reviewing YOUR case together.
Why this matters: Ensures all specialists agree on sequence and approach BEFORE you start.
❌ RED FLAG: Nobody mentions tumor board, or specialists aren't coordinating. (Ask: "Will my case be reviewed by a tumor board?")
PHASE 2: TREATMENT PLANNING (Week 3-4)
What Should Happen:
1. Treatment Sequence Decision
For breast cancer, treatment usually involves some combination of:
Surgery (lumpectomy or mastectomy)
Chemotherapy
Radiation
Hormonal therapy (if hormone-receptor positive)
Targeted therapy (if HER2 positive)
But the ORDER matters.
Two main sequences:
Option A: Surgery First/Adjuvant (for many early-stage cancers)
Surgery → Chemo (if needed) → Radiation → Hormonal therapy
Option B: Chemo First / Neoadjuvant (for larger tumors, aggressive types, or if wanting breast conservation)
Chemo → Surgery → Radiation → Hormonal therapy
Why sequence matters:
Neoadjuvant chemo can shrink tumors (making lumpectomy possible instead of mastectomy)
Seeing how tumor responds to chemo gives prognostic information
But delaying surgery means tumor is still there during chemo
Your oncology team should EXPLAIN why they recommend the sequence they do.
❌ RED FLAG: Nobody explains WHY this order vs. another order. (Ask: "Why are we doing surgery first vs. chemo first? What are the pros/cons of each for MY case?")
2. Fertility Preservation Discussion (BEFORE Treatment Starts)
If you:
Want future children (or aren't sure)
Are premenopausal
Will receive chemo that could cause infertility or early menopause
This conversation should happen BEFORE treatment starts.
Options include:
Egg/embryo freezing (takes 2-3 weeks, delays treatment slightly)
Ovarian suppression during chemo
Ovarian tissue freezing
❌ RED FLAG: You're scheduled to start chemo next week and nobody asked about fertility. (If this matters to you, speak up NOW: "I haven't had a fertility preservation discussion. Do I need one before we start?")
3. Cardiac Testing (BEFORE Certain Chemo Drugs)
Some chemo drugs (anthracyclines like doxorubicin, Adriamycin) and targeted therapies (Herceptin for HER2+) can affect heart function.
You should have baseline cardiac testing BEFORE starting these drugs:
Echocardiogram (ECHO) or
MUGA scan
Why timing matters: You need baseline to compare against later. If your heart function is already compromised, treatment plan may need adjustment.
❌ RED FLAG: You're starting cardiotoxic chemo and nobody ordered baseline heart testing.
4. Port Placement (BEFORE Chemo Starts, If Recommended)
If you're having IV chemo (most people do), you may need a port—a device placed under skin for IV access.
This should be placed 7-10 days BEFORE your first chemo (needs time to heal).
❌ RED FLAG: Your first chemo is scheduled but nobody mentioned port placement (and you're having multi-cycle IV chemo).
5. Dental Clearance (BEFORE Certain Treatments)
Some treatments (bisphosphonates for bone health, certain chemo drugs) increase risk of jaw problems.
You may need dental exam/clearance BEFORE starting treatment.
❌ RED FLAG: You're starting treatment that affects bones and nobody mentioned dental clearance.
The Questions You Need to Ask (To Catch the Gaps)
Here's your process checkpoint list. Ask these questions at the right times:
AT DIAGNOSIS:
☐ "What staging scans do I need before we plan treatment?"
☐ "Do I qualify for genetic testing? When will that happen?"
☐ "When will my case be reviewed by the tumor board?"
☐ "What's the timeline from today to starting treatment?"
AT TREATMENT PLANNING:
☐ "What's the treatment sequence you're recommending and WHY this order?"
☐ "What are the pros/cons of doing chemo first vs. surgery first for MY specific case?"
☐ "Do I need fertility preservation discussion before we start?"
☐ "Do I need cardiac testing before starting this treatment?"
☐ "Do I need a port? When should that be placed?"
☐ "Are all my doctors (surgeon, medical oncologist, radiation oncologist) coordinating? How?"
What You Should Be Researching (Instead of Survival Statistics)
Now that you know the PROCESS, here's what's actually useful to research:
✅ RESEARCH THIS:
1. The Standard Treatment Process for YOUR Specific Cancer Type
Google: "[Your cancer type and stage] treatment guidelines NCCN"
Example: "Stage 2 triple negative breast cancer treatment guidelines NCCN"
The NCCN (National Comprehensive Cancer Network) publishes treatment guidelines. This shows you what the STANDARD process should look like.
Why this matters: You can compare what your team is doing against national guidelines. If there's a deviation, you can ask WHY (there may be good reasons, but you should know).
2. What Tests Should Happen BEFORE Your Treatment Starts
Google: "[Your planned treatment] required tests before starting"
Example: "Doxorubicin required tests before chemo"
Why this matters: You'll catch gaps ("wait, I'm starting Herceptin but nobody ordered an echocardiogram?").
3. Typical Timeline for YOUR Cancer
Google: "Time from diagnosis to treatment [your cancer type]"
Why this matters: You'll know if 8 weeks without starting treatment is normal or a dangerous delay.
4. Questions to Ask About Treatment Sequencing
Google: "Neoadjuvant vs adjuvant chemo [your cancer type] pros and cons"
Why this matters: You'll understand WHY your team is recommending their sequence—and you can ask intelligent questions if something doesn't make sense.
❌ STOP RESEARCHING THIS:
1. Survival Statistics
Stage 2 breast cancer 5-year survival rate = not helpful right now.
Why: Statistics are averages across thousands of people. They don't account for YOUR specific biology, YOUR treatment response, YOUR age and health. They just spike your cortisol.
2. Recurrence Stories
"She did everything right and it came back" = actively harmful.
Why: Other people's outcomes are not predictive of yours. You're borrowing fear from futures that may never happen.
3. Every Possible Side Effect of Every Drug
Why: You'll terrify yourself about things that may not happen to you. Better: Ask your oncologist, "What are the most common side effects I should prepare for?"
4. Alternative Treatments Without Discussing with Your Team
Why: Some supplements/alternatives interfere with treatment. Research them, sure—but RUN THEM BY YOUR ONCOLOGIST before taking anything.
Why THIS Focus Matters
You can't make good treatment decisions without understanding the process.
You can't advocate for yourself if you don't know what SHOULD be happening.
You can't catch dangerous gaps if you don't know the sequence matters.
Understanding the PROCESS gives you:
✅ The ability to ask the RIGHT questions (not "will I die?" but "why are we doing this before that?")
✅ The power to catch mistakes BEFORE they cost you time
✅ Confidence that you're on the right track (or knowledge you need to speak up)
✅ The language to advocate for yourself in a system that assumes you understand
FOCUS #3: HAVE THE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR KIDS
Tell Them the Truth (Age-Appropriate) So They're Informed, Not Terrified
This is the one you're avoiding.
I know because I avoided it too.
You're lying in bed at night, rehearsing what you'll say. Trying to find the "right words." Waiting for the "right time."
But here's what's actually happening:
Your kids already know something's wrong.
They see you crying in the bathroom.
They hear hushed phone calls.
They notice the doctor appointments you're not explaining.
They feel the tension in the house.
And their imagination is creating something worse than the truth.
Kids don't need protection from reality. They need HONESTY so they're not left in the dark imagining nightmares.
But you don't know what to say.
How much is too much?
What if they ask if you're going to die?
What if you say the wrong thing and traumatize them?
What if you cry and scare them more?
Let me help you.
The Conversation Framework (By Age):
FOR YOUNGER KIDS (Ages 5-10):
What to say:
"I need to tell you something important. I went to the doctor and they found out I have something called cancer. Cancer is when cells in your body don't work right and start growing when they shouldn't.
The doctors are going to give me medicine to fix it. The medicine might make me tired sometimes, and I might not feel good some days. But I'm going to be okay. The doctors know how to fight this.
You didn't cause this. Nothing you did made this happen. And you can't catch it like a cold.
I'm still going to be your mom. I'm still going to take care of you. Some days I might need more rest, and [Dad/Grandma/Aunt Sarah] will help. But I'm still HERE."
If they ask: "Are you going to die?"
"Everyone dies someday, but I'm not planning to die for a very, very long time. The doctors are giving me strong medicine to make me better. I'm going to fight really hard to be here for a long time."
FOR TWEENS/TEENS (Ages 11-17):
What to say:
"I need to tell you something, and I'm going to be honest with you because you deserve to know what's happening. I have [type] cancer, stage [X]. Here's what that means: [brief explanation].
I'm starting treatment in [timeline]. Treatment will be [chemo/radiation/surgery/etc.]. It's going to be hard for a few months. I'll be tired. I might lose my hair. There will be days I don't feel great.
But I'm doing everything possible to beat this. I have a good medical team. The treatment plan is strong. I'm going to fight like hell.
I need you to know: You didn't cause this. And I'm going to do everything in my power to be here for your graduation, your wedding, and every big moment in your life.
This is going to be scary sometimes. For all of us. And that's okay. We're going to get through it together.
You can ask me anything. I'll be honest with you. And if you're scared or mad or sad—that's all okay. You're allowed to feel however you feel."
If they ask: "Are you going to die?"
"I can't promise I'll never die—no one can. But I can promise you this: I'm doing everything medically possible to beat this. My doctors are confident in the treatment plan. And I'm going to fight with everything I have to be here for you.
Some days I might be scared too. And that's okay. But being scared doesn't mean I'm giving up. It means I love you so much that the thought of missing your life terrifies me—so I'm going to fight to be THERE."
What NOT to Say:
❌ "Everything's going to be fine!" (They need honesty, not false promises)
❌ "Don't worry!" (They're going to worry—give them space to feel)
❌ "I need you to be strong for me" (Don't make them YOUR caretaker)
❌ Detailed medical information that overwhelms them
❌ Statistics or percentages
After The Conversation:
1. Let them react however they need to.
They might cry. They might get angry. They might go silent. They might ask a million questions or ask nothing at all.
All reactions are valid.
2. Keep the door open.
"If you think of questions later—tonight, tomorrow, next week—you can always ask me. I'll tell you the truth."
3. Maintain as much normalcy as possible.
Keep their routines. Keep their activities. Keep being MOM—not just "cancer patient."
4. Get them support if needed.
Consider:
Letting school counselor know (so they have support there)
Therapist who works with kids of cancer patients
Age-appropriate books about parent having cancer
Support groups for kids (many cancer centers offer these)
Why This Focus Matters:
You're not just fighting cancer.
You're fighting to still be MOM through this.
And being mom means being HONEST with your kids—in age-appropriate ways—so they're not left in the dark creating terror scenarios.
When you have this conversation:
You stop carrying the secret alone
Your kids stop imagining worst-case scenarios
Your family can face this TOGETHER instead of in isolation
Trust deepens instead of breaking
They learn resilience by watching YOU be real
The conversation is hard.
But the alternative—silence, secrets, their unchecked imagination—is so much worse.
Action Step: Schedule "the conversation" for THIS WEEK. Choose a time when you're calm, they're not rushed, and you have privacy. Practice what you'll say. Then do it.
Everything Else Can Wait
I know your brain is spinning with 1,000 other things.
"But what about my job? My business? Diet? Supplements? Extended family?"
Those things matter. But not this week.
These first 30 days, you focus on THREE things:
Complete diagnosis (know exactly WHAT you're fighting)
Understand the process (know what SHOULD happen and WHEN—so you catch the gaps)
Tell your kids (honest conversation that builds connection, not fear)
Everything else is secondary.
Once you have these three, you'll have clarity, control, and the ability to advocate effectively. From that foundation, everything else becomes manageable.
These 3 focus points get you through the first month.
But there are 300+ more days ahead.
Days when:
You wake at 3am convinced the cancer is spreading
You're paralyzed trying to make treatment decisions
You're physically present with your kids but mentally at your own funeral
You can't focus on anything—chemo brain is destroying your ability to function
Treatment ends but you're stuck in scan-to-scan prison, living in 3-month increments
Everyone expects you to be "back to normal" but you feel lost
Those days need tools too.
Tools for the mental battle that's raging right now—affecting every decision you make, every moment you're trying to be present, every ounce of energy you have to fight.
The battle that determines whether you're reacting in chaos or leading with strategy.
I Wrote Down Everything You Need
For 15 years, I've been living these tools. For the last 5 years, I've been coaching hundreds of women through their cancer journeys.
I know what works.
The frameworks that give you back control. The protocols that stop 3am panic spirals. The strategies that help you fight SMART instead of just desperately.
I put it all in Win the Fight Against Cancer.
Not the medical stuff (your doctors handle that).
The mental training system to fight strategically and maximize your chances of being THERE for every milestone.
What's Inside (Matched to What You Actually Need):
You want: To stop the 3am terror
You get: The exact panic protocol that works when you're alone with your fear (Chapter 2)
You want: To make the right treatment decision without second-guessing for weeks
You get: The decision-making framework for choosing with confidence and moving forward (Chapter 6)
You want: To stop mentally time-traveling to your daughter's wedding and be PRESENT now
You get: Focus training to interrupt catastrophic thinking and stay grounded (Chapter 8)
You want: To feel like YOU'RE leading this fight—not just reacting to it
You get: The shift from passive patient to CEO of your healing (Chapters 5 & 6)
You want: To know what to focus on when everything feels urgent
You get: The 80/20 framework for fighting SMARTER, not just harder (Chapter 7)
You want: To break free from scan-to-scan prison and actually LIVE
You get: The complete strategy for reclaiming your life post-treatment (Chapter 9)
Bottom line: You want to feel IN CONTROL when everything feels out of control.
This book gives you that.
Why This Book Is Different:
I'm a PhD Biochemist (I understand the science), 15-year TNBC survivor (I've lived your exact terror), and Certified Life Coach (I know what creates transformation).
I speak both languages: the medical AND the emotional.
No toxic positivity. No vague "stay strong" advice. Just strategic tools that give you back your power.
What's It Worth?
What's it worth to:
Feel in CONTROL instead of helpless?
Make strategic decisions instead of panicked ones?
Stop wasting energy on what doesn't matter and FOCUS on what does?
Fight with every advantage—including your most powerful weapon: your trained mind?
Maximize every chance of being THERE when your daughter walks down the aisle?
Less than one therapy session. The strategy that could change the next 30 years of your life.
[GET WIN THE FIGHT AGAINST CANCER NOW] Available on Paperback & Kindle on Amazon
Don't React. LEAD.
Right now you're reacting—Googling frantically, second-guessing everything, letting fear drive every decision.
This book teaches you to LEAD your response.
To fight strategically. To focus your energy on what actually matters. To take back control of the one thing you CAN control: how you fight.
Your oncologist gives you the medical weapons.
This book shows you how to fight with STRATEGY—not just desperation.
You've got this, warrior. Now go fight smart.
Trifina Sofian
15-Year TNBC Survivor | PhD Biochemist | Author of Win the Fight Against Cancer
P.S. — Your daughter's wedding is 15-20 years away. The decisions you make NOW—not just medical, but MENTAL—determine whether you're there. This book shows you how to fight strategically for every single year.